Cows absorb cellular phone signals

So, I've noticed that every time I see cows, I have poor cell signal. I mean I'll be driving around in rural America and see a cow - look down and I'm at one bar or less. So, I think we know now what the aliens have been up to with cow mutilations and such. They're pissed about trying to phone home and the smirking cows just absorbing their signal.

If you're not convinced of this, try this simple experiment. Buy a big beef roast, something 4 or 5 inches thick. Cut a cell phone sized pocket in the middle of it (closer proximity is required as dead cow meat is less effective) and stuff your cell phone in there. Now, sew the opening up tight and wait for an hour or two for the effect to take hold, and call your cell phone. See? No ringing. In fact, the phone itself may have been totally ruined by the cow effect (don't say I didn't warn you.)

So, try and keep the cows out of the major metropolitan areas where they might disrupt important communication infrastructure. Seriously, if you see a determined group of cows headed for your city, it could be the precursor to a terrorist attack. Repel them at all cost. Remember that not all cows are terrorists, but you don't want the one that is walking down your street.