Chitinous Gravy

So, as you are eating this holiday (or any other time of your choosing) you might want to point out to everyone (especially impressionable children) that the cell walls of mushrooms are made of the same material (chitin) that insect exoskeletons are made of, only since it's 95% of the mushroom's mass, it's like you're eating an insect with a 1/8 inch thick shell, or maybe the equivalent of a whole handful of beetles. Then, tell the kids that some cooks sneak mushrooms into all kinds of stuff like casserole, gravy, stuffing and lasagna. Feel free to add items that kids like to the list, though they might question you on soda-pop and ice cream - although "mushroom ice cream" does yeild 212 entries from Google.

My friend Mark points out that Jones Turkey + Gravy flavored soda would be the perfect beverage to accompany dung-beetle flavored food, and I have to agree. I would also like to suggest the following flavors to Jones, as they would complement much of the food we eat by bringing out the subtle flavors:

• Dr. Hamburger
• Bacon (root) beer
• Salmon Cola

Clearly, these would be big sellers with people that like meat flavored beverages, and who doesn't? For the truly adventurous, they might even consider sushi beverages - maybe an unagi Italian Creme (eels are good with creme) or a squid & chocolate soda, but we may have some hurdles when it comes to packaging raw fish in a soda bottle for distribution. Sushi beverages may have to be a fresh beverage only product for a while.

I'm sooooo looking forward to Christmas dinner now.