Wall Eyed

There’s some sort of weird experiment going on at WallMart and it’s not the one you are thinking of. No, this one seems to have something to do with mind control (no, not the one you are thinking of now either.) What I’ve noticed is that as I walk around WallMart, looking for some elusive item, like a machete or a razor sharp double bitted axe, I see the following behavior repeated time after time. A stationary shopper, who’s body is oriented in direction A whose head is turned in direction B will suddenly and without warning begin to move in direction C, which space I am currently occupying.

First, I’m almost 6 feet tall, and large enough to do these shoppers serious damage if I planted my feet, stuck out my elbows and then checked them like I thought they had the puck and the referee wasn’t looking - but I would never consider doing that. My point is that since I’m large, wearing a bright red cap with reindeer horns and playing the bagpipes while I do my shopping it shouldn’t seem like a good idea to back into me. If I’ve already found the machete or axe, I would say that goes double.

So, what explains these people countering millions of years of instinctive fear of blundering into tar pits, sleeping lions and bear traps someone put under a pile of leaves that I raked? Walking in a direction you aren’t looking is sketchy even when you are in a safe place, in a wildly hostile environment like WallMart, it’s an evolutionary dead-end behavior. The only realistic explanation is that the aliens that own WallMart have decided to exterminate the human race by somehow encouraging this dangerous behavior through mind control. Remember, it’s not just backing into me, these victims specifically confuse the issue by pointing their body towards the expired cashews, looking at the demo-sized soap isle and then making a feral plunge to their 7:00.

Fortunately, the affected population is easily identified, even outside of the WallMart environment. Look for the ones with axe marks on their demo-sized soap container and tar on their shoes.

Anarchy shouldn't have it's own symbol

I've now seen the circle with an A in it on bumber stickers, window clings and as a non-spinning weighted hubcap cover on a minivan, and I'm confused by the whole concept. Not the concept of anarchy, anyone that has seen my office knows that anarchy and I have a close working relationship. No, the concept that I'm not quite fully understanding is how a concept which by its nature implies - a state of society without government or law - can have a symbol that is accepted by anarchists as the symbol. Who, exactly, is laying down the bucks to do a graphic design suitable for a bumper sticker / hubcap cover? If someone DID pay for a nice graphic design, did they copyright it or did they license it from whomever owns the trademark on representations of the circle A? Are there anarchist board meetings that discuss how distressed the swooshy brush strokes of the A will be, or how far outside the lines of the inverted V the cross stroke shall be? Can I get in trouble with some Anarchist governing body if I start using one with a perfect circle and a helvetica A in the exact center with no distressing or brush stroke stuff? Since nearly all of the representations I see are identical, I have to assume that like most organizations there is someone in charge of the ID, and enforcing conformance to acceptable versions. Can someone please send me the EPS scalable version of this thing?

Somehow related to all of that is the uniforms checked out to the students of the Art Institute of Seattle. If you drive by the Institute from time to time, getting onto the Alaskan Way soon-to-be-another-100,000-cars-each-day-on-surface-streets Viaduct, you know what I mean. Black shirt/blouse, black pants/leggings, black head thing (hat, scarf, headband, tatoo), black shoes, birkenstocks, Doc Martins and at least three items of flair which MUST include a stylized flame tatoo, a silver studded piercing and a "free item" which can be chosen by the art student. Does the Institute have a uniform shop where they sell these, or is it more like getting your boy scout uniform from regulated multiple suppliers? Do they have problems with rebels wearing yellow rain jackets or shameless gold piercings from time to time and have to crack down hard with the dress code?

All of these people are giving anarchy and rebellion a bad name. I think I'll go clean my office.