Surrounded by giant metal cows

It seems that I can't take a drive in the countryside without encountering gigantic bovine metallic creations which are clearly hibernating, waiting for the instruction to rise and smite the humans. Sure, they may be made to look nurturing, but they are LARGE and made of METAL. How could they NOT be bent on subjugating humankind under their steely (or irony) hooves?

While I'd been avoiding Bothell (Bot Hell, not a very clever place to hide cow-bot masters of the universe) just in case the activation signal came, I now find that they have invaded an area near the seat of power for the state of Washington. Imagine my further horror to discover that they are the SAME COWS, which have apparently been active long enough to cover the distance from Woodinville/Bothell to Olympia. Nobody seems to know how they transport took place, but I imagine a very large metal "cowboy" somewhere in the mix.

Pretty clearly aliens with somewhat faulty conceptions of what cows really look like and how they behave created these creatures & placed them in fields thinking that we wouldn't notice. There they sit, silently waiting for the opportune time to wreak their terrible plan of metal cow destruction upon us all.

There's really no proof that creations like this one were NOT responsible for the 1876 Kentucky Meat Shower. On March 3rd of that year, chunks of meat fell from the sky to cover 5000 square yards with smallish chunks of meat, later shown to be lung tissue, cartilage and muscle, but 1876 science being what it was, no final determination of the animal(s) from which the meat came from. Apparently folks in Kentucky are inclined to taste meat which falls from the sky and some thought it was like venison or mutton. The best theory of the time is that a huge flock of buzzards flying overhead all puked at once (This is a protective insinct, shared among some animals. If you see your neighbor puke, your body decides to empty itself too, in case you were eating from the same carrion. Oddly, buzzards can eat disease ridden rotten meat without ill effect, so if this is what happened I don't want to know what they ate...)

Personally, I think that the Kentucky Meat Shower was PEOPLE. The aliens controlling the various giant cows across America think it was funny to have cows eat people for a change, but having no real digestive tracts (they aren't real cows), they thought it would also be funny to have them disgorge the remains onto Kentucky (and I have to agree there.) About the only way I can see this coming out OK for the human race is that we are rescued by giant sheep. Everyone knows that the giant sheep scattered around the country are the ancient extra-galactic foes of the giant cow builders, but they seem to be a dying race, with few representatives left here on Earth.

So, I urge you all to race to the nearest home improvement store and buy all of the rebar and cement you can afford, to build the largest sheep you can in your back yard. I'm hoping that if we make them feel welcome, the sheep builders will return to this galaxy and help protect us from the Others. Just don't be surprised when your giant sheep creations animate and proceed to the final battle for the fate of Earth - "Oklahoma, the Sheep Farmer and the Cowman can NEVER be Friends" It's either that, or we need to start buying meat capable umbrellas.