Crystalized Dihydrous Oxide

Yeah yeah, the dihydrous oxide gag has been done to death, but I'm really really tired of it in it's current, flake form. It's killing people all over the world, and the abundance in the local region is starting to make my feet cold (a known side effect of exposure to crystalized dihydrous oxide.) I live in the PACIFIC Nothwest because of the MILD CLIMATE. If I wanted to live where the temperature hovered in ranges that can freeze dihydrous oxide, I would have moved to CANADA or SIBERIA or maybe Ganymede (it's a moon, look it up.) No, I chose to come here because 1) A nice billionaire asked me to and b) Its not supposed to be 20 or 30 degrees colder than the inside of my refrigerator outside for more than a day or two each year.

Right now there's maybe about 5 to 6 tons of crystalized dihydrous oxide in my front yard, and maybe a trillion tons of it coating the city making it hazardous to drive, walk and breath. The city has crews out 24 hours a day trying to abate this menace, but it's a fight with nature which they cannot win. So, as my part of an effort to increase global warming until my current home is a tropical paradise, I'm going to start throwing the plastic caps from my soda bottles into the trash rather than recycling. The mayor can't even send the recycling police after me, since the cap itself doesn't have the symbol on it. In fact, there is some question about this item actually being recyclable at all, but that's really my point. I don't want to tip the scales fully over and destroy the planet (by global warming anyway.) I just need to nudge it a little bit so that I don't have to buy special equipment to deal with this horror of weather.

I really just need one or two of you reading this to also stop recycling plastic screw-tops, and I can go plant palm trees.